Saturday, February 15, 2014

Really Important News

Ladies and gentlemen, the moment has come. I, Harling Ross, have encountered a strange and beautiful, as-yet-unrealized aesthetic option involving my body, my pores, and the internet. Is your curiosity peaked? If not, see a physician. I'm about to blow your mind and if you're not ready, you're not ready.  

Late last night when I was debating whether or not to start writing a paper or start season two of House of Cards, I decided to pursue a third option: While perusing this website was supposed to be my middle ground between homework and Netflix, it ultimately spawned a somewhat volcanic distraction far more seductive than Frank Underwood's sexy eye bags.

You see, as I nonchalantly clicked through the site's tantalizing contents, I happened across an item that made my hand pause and my heart stop. There it was, floating before me on this serendipitous slice of the interwebs: the J.W. Anderson orange circle print sweater. While normally I wouldn't have thought twice about an article of clothing reminiscent of a Japanese flag with sun damage, there was something about its unusual design that gave me a very distinct case of deja vu.

Suddenly I realized what the sweater reminded me of. I gracefully galloped over to my cosmetics bag and pulled out...

A facial serum. That's right, freaks. The Somme Institute serum I slather over my face twice a day is the beauty product doppelganger of J.W. Anderson's knit creation. For $734.64, I could match my outfit to my skincare regimen like the creepiest creep of all time. There's nothing I've ever wanted more.

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